


growing pains

by park97



Category: Original Work
Genre: Depression, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Light Angst, Nonbinary Character, Other, Recovery, References to Depression, a bit of a vent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:54:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28223487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/park97/pseuds/park97
Summary: "It's been about a year since they almost died."It's still hard sometimes, but they're slowly getting better.
Kudos: 2





	growing pains

**Author's Note:**

> so this wasn't really beta read that much, I guess, so I apologize if it's not understandable. I just wanted to get this out of me.
> 
> It's a bit of a ramble, maybe a vent? I'm not sure. All I know is that it's a great time to be alive (lol)
> 
> **tw: mentions of depression, referenced suicide attempt. i tried to keep it relatively light, but if it makes you uncomfortable, read at your own discretion!**

It’s been about a year since they almost died.

It was, and still is, hard sometimes. There’s days when they just want to give into the crippling fear and anxiety, when waves of sadness threaten to swallow them whole. Sometimes it’s hard to even breathe, like they’re committing a grave sin by simply existing.

But the stormy clouds are clearing the tiniest bit, letting a tiny bit of sunlight prick through. Now they’re actually able to be happy sometimes, a feeling they thought they’d never feel again. They can allow themselves to cry, to crumble in front of others.

There’s still the bad thoughts threatening to devour them until all they are is darkness and pain. But now, maybe they have some friends to help them through it, and maybe, these friends won’t break them.

They  _ trust _ their friends, they can actually  _ trust _ people now. They’ve come so far from where they were back then: scared and sad, afraid of the person they should be able to trust.

They could lie and say it’s been easy, that it’s all uphill, but it hasn’t been. There’s been multiple times when they gave in a bit, tiny bandaids decorating their arms and/or legs. There’s been times when they considered asking their dear friends to kill them, because surely, anything would be better than the pain of being alive.

But they persisted, because they knew, deep inside their bones, that they didn’t want to die. They knew deep down they were tired of being broken, that they just wanted to be happy for real someday.

They  **will** live to see their next birthday and years to come. They  **will** be happy, surrounded by the people they care for, because they  **deserve** happiness. They  **deserve** to live, to smile, to laugh!  _ Why _ did it take them so long to realize?

There’s still the hurt. Of course, it hasn’t gone away completely yet, that’s not something that can be reversed in just one day. There’s times when they can vividly imagine all the painful memories, when all the accusations start ripping through their heart like tiny knives, tearing through their very being until it’s painful to even live.

“It’s my fault” is all they can choke out at those times. Sometimes, they can’t even say anything, too shaken up by fear and sadness.

But they’ve come far. They know now that what happened wasn’t their fault. They know the relationship they were in was in no way healthy, they’ve come to terms with all of this and are ready to move on.

And sure, it’s hard sometimes, because maybe they don’t want to let go just yet. Maybe, they just want to continue holding onto the memories, selfishly holding on to their friend, because although there were painful times, there were so many good times too.

But it’s time to let go. It’s really, truly, time to let go and move on, so they continue to struggle on.

They  **will** get better someday. There’s no darkness that can last forever, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!!
> 
> my tumblr, if you're interested, is @monstar-dreams.tumblr.com !!


End file.
